~..=*~Wisely~*=..~

Sunday, May 25, 2008

Depression mode

Been working from day till night yesterday and today. I am still in office now. Even though things ended at 6.15pm. Time I ended this guess should be about 8pm?

It seems like was pre-planned that I have gotta work hard and over the weekends when she left me.

Seriously, I cant concentrate much. I am trying. There are of course certain point of time I got busy and things were not in mind. But once everything slow down or back to normal, there goes my mind again.

When you are at such a situation, everything you do, see and places you passed by seems so familiar and leaving you memories.

Went bowling with SGN after getting home. i seriously dont like the moment before sleeping. Thats when everything seems to be attacking your mind. Especially all the unhappy things. So I decided to go Chevron.

After that we went supper. I didnt eat.

So I went to order drinks. Unkonwingly, I ordered Hot Milo, cos I havent been eating for 24 hours. Then we sat at a table. The coffeeshop is the one we usually go at Jurong.

We ended up at the same table where we used to sit. I sat at the exact position where Lin used to sit. Cant exactly remember she had hot milo or coke the last time. But if I didnt remember wrongly, was milo. Thats what I had last night. The last time we sat there, was 22nd March 2008. We told a number of cute pictures too.

I am beginning to hate 22nd. Esther and me started on 22nd. Lin and me started on 22nd and we ended on 22nd. WTF...

I am wearing a black Giordano T-shirt today. This was bought at OG Bugis. That time, me and lin werent together le. 1st time.

She had the same T-shirt, cos I bought for her together for us to change as we were caught in the rain.

She sms me... Its the first time she was in couple wear...

Guess it is just the normal mental when you got depressed over a breakup. Everything just brings memories.

I logged into Mushroom. Lin asked me why I still go in.

Seriously, I have no much idea. But I know, sub-consciously, I just wanna feel her presence, wherever and whatever we went and done.

Mushroom, is our only private place but I know, she aint there anymore...

Didnt wanna let dad and mom knew about this. Who knows, dad happened to ask. 'How come havent see Jialin coming our place"

From there, my eyes began to feel the wetness. *Those who know me, I am an emotional guy*

I just told dad, gone le. I told him and mom, if they dont know anything, dont make unnecessary noises.

I dont like anyone at all to comment or criticise my loves. Especially towards Lin and Esther.

Dont doubt me about those I loved and love.

~*~

My mood and attitude had been one of the worst this time round all my life I guess...
I am sorry to Ber and Yun if I had unintentionally given you guys some attitude.

I am a Capricon. Love is something a Capri takes seriously and always faithful. He/she might fall in love at times easily. But once in love... it will be only that person alone and no one else.

Thats why I have this principle I will never give up my love and girlfriend. No matter how much I would have wanted to be with the other person. Cos when I am in a r/s, the one in front of me, will be the only one I love.

I love hard. I really do. But anyone would have to feel my heart cos I dont do romantic things. I am muddle-head when comes to this.

I fall hard too. last r/s and this r/s. Very hard.

I really dont like what I am feeling and forced to do what I dont like.

Giving up someone I love. This is the first time I am forced to. No more... God Damm It!

I dont like what I have done...

I dont like what I have seen and read.

I still dont like how I feel.

I dont like myself...

I hate it...

8pm now...
Still in depression mode...

Apologies

The Soul feels @ 6:36 PM *~The Lost Soul~*