Off day yesterday to company mom to Alexandra Hospital to get her checkup report. After that, went over to Anchor Point for lunch.Well, I must said the revamp done for Anchor Point was prety good. hopefully they will be able to draw in more crowds. Then went over to Ikea for a walk.
Mom and me thought there were so much things we would like to change but given our situation now... forget it. I always love looking at furnitures and fittings and visualize how my future house will be. Both Darling and me actually prefer the 'Zen' feel, which is simpler and not so flashy. I sms Darling I wish she would be shopping with me at Ikea and she replied "me too". I was thinking if...... watever...
I got home about 3+pm. Do some stuffs and online with Darling. Tearing as usual. She asked me how I know; Somehow, I could just see from the look on her face. I read her blog and I knew why she cried.
Today is the day. HE is back. He really stirred up alot of emotions between Darling and me.
I didnt want to go out after I got home. But Darling wanna watch movie so of course I will go. She mentioned something which suddenly something came to my mind. She mentioned before that in the past, before she initiated breakup, she will spend one sweet day with the guy and next day its bye bye.
Yesterday she just mentioned that she wanna spend a quality night out with me.....
Anyway, I was tired and my neck kinda hurt. So I wasnt looking very good. In fact, my mind wasnt really functioning well.
Oh yah... The day before, we went to Acoustic. Darling wanna drink. She was feeling extreme emotional. So was I actually, thats why all the emo from last 2 posts.
I didnt actually know that I will be facing this so soon. Apparently, it seems like things were in a way ok when He was outta town. Now that He is coming back, Darling seems to get emo almost everyday.
She talked about him every night with me. Usually I dont answer much. She asked me last night that wotn I feel uncomfortable listening to all these? Of course I will. I know whats coming but I choose to let go the next day. But I am merely human, I have my emotions and I cant show it too obvious.
She is going up his place tonight. She asked :You wont mind ma? I mind... I am petty Darling... But what can I do? Its something I knew and should expect. She asked what if she hugs him? I cant see, I wont know, but I choose to ignore.
She asked me at Acoustic, if she is only 18, when I still love her; If she is full of dog smell, would I still love her. I only kept thinking, if only I still have the chance to continue loving her. It doesnt matter how old, what she smells of, what and who and watever... Its only that if she gives me the chance to continue love her, I would.
A number of times these days, I really wish so much to tell her verbally to stay with me, dont leave me. but I couldnt say it out. I know I will be adding on pressures to her. So I rather take it down myself. Although I know its very very terrible, but I have to swollow it. Where is my limit? I dont know. Do I even have one?
She had only 2 choices to make. which is pretty obvious what are the 2. I told her there can be another choice, but it can only be made by me. I dont have the courage to make the choice. Or rather, i refuse to and I cant. I cant bring myself to do it.
Ahhhhhhh....................... I dont know what else to write. Things inside are hard to pen down.
*~*
Darling...
I seriously dont wanna lose you. I seriously want you to stay with me.
I am walking at the edge of the cliff. Anytime, I will just fall off into an endless ditch.
Shattered.
I love you...